Blogs, blogs EVERYWHERE!!

Yesterday I began the beautiful task of creating a blog for my Daddy's words to be shared. It is not a joke when I say that he had a large, plastic tub FULL of notepads, loose pages, and random notes.

Some were work notes, but mostly it's his heart for Jesus on paper.

I don't know if anyone realized who my Daddy was or how deeply he loves (because he still does love) Jesus...even I am finding out more and more about his heart.

It's bringing healing to me and I pray that his words bring healing, hope, and even salvation to whomever reads them.

So, needless to say, my blog has been on hold for a few days...

Yesterday evening, I had the privelege of having coffee with a sweet friend. I haven't seen her since we were in middle school youth group together!

She is beautiful, inside and out, and it was such an honor to hear her heart and what the Lord has been doing in her life.

I love spending time with people who's words challenge me and I find myself wanting to live differently...and better.

When I came home from having coffee with her, I began going through this "Daddy" tub of notes. As I was flipping thru notebook after notebook, I found about 6 pages filled with letters to Erin and me. He had written them to us one Christmas, but never gave them to us.

There was such a sweetness about reading my name in this letter...I loved seeing "Emily" all throughout. But the best part was being able to hear his voice and see his face as he wrote his heart to me. I'll treasure that letter forever.

Today is a good day as well. I got the job that I interviewed for!!

Starting on Monday, I will be a receptionist for a very sweet doctor...and I am beyond excited...a little nervous...but excited!

More and more, I'm seeing how very sweetly the Lord has us.

He is so kind. Oh, I love Him.

10-10-10

Today is October 10, 2010, and I thought, "Today would be a great day for a blog, since this day won't be seen again for a looooong time."

Today also marks two months since my Daddy passed away...
two months that have felt like forever. Really.

Today I find myself questioning "church."
I love the body of Christ, don't get me wrong.
But I've found myself wondering if Jesus really meant for us to "do" church or "be" the church.

I've had a really hard time thinking about attending a church.
I just don't feel like I "fit."
Something has shifted in my heart.
I'm not bitter or angry...maybe a little tired of the same church "stuff" over and over and over....

I want to be part of a community who love each other, can be honest with each other, and who can teach each other, as well as be teachable. I want to learn together and grow.
BUT...I want to be like JESUS together.
We, as a church, are so exclusive...and I'm tired of that.

The world needs JESUS.
They need what we have! And what are we doing about it?? What am I doing about it??
For the most part, we're doing 3 fast songs, 3 slow songs, an offering, a sermon, and some ministry time at the end.

Somehow I don't think that's what Jesus meant when He said, "Go into all the WORLD and preach the gospel."
He didn't just say it to the missionaries or the evangelists.
He said it to His church....us.

Call me crazy, but I'm ready to see people saved.
I'm ready to really see this generation set free and NEVER THE SAME!
They don't need our church routine...they need salvation.
They need the cross. They need Jesus.

And this little 5'4" girl, with tattoos and a big smile has what this WHOLE world needs.
Crazy huh??

I am NOT a Victim!

For the past few months, the enemy has really enjoyed pulling this lie out of his filing cabinet and shoving it in my face...

YOU ARE A VICTIM...GOD IS AGAINST YOU.

And to be honest, it's been quite easy to believe.
It sounds harsh, but when nothing seems to be going your way, your mind tends to believe the lie.
Before you know it, you find yourself believing that you ARE a victim....
not a victor, not an heir, not a child of God...but a victim.

Growing up (most women will know what I'm talking about) you picture your life as this beautiful, quaint dream.
You marry the love of your life.
You buy (not rent) your dream home.
You have gorgeous children, with bouncy curls and contagious smiles.
And because of those precious ones, you automatically get to be a stay-at-home mom....right?

So far, my dream has been a little topsy-turvy, upside down, and NOT what I expected....at all.
It's been hard, lonely, and at times, hopeless.
BUT...
I am NOT a victim.

In fact, I'm just the opposite.
My Jesus has NOT forgotten me.
He has not shoved me to the back burner for another day.
I am the apple of HIS eye...I'm all He sees!
I'm His girl and He's my Daddy.
I am blessed....beyond measure.

Oh and all those dreams....they're coming. Oh yes, they're coming!
Because He told me to "delight yourself in the Lord, and He'll give you the desires of your heart."
And then my "dream fulfilled will be a tree of life."
He is GOOD....and He loves me....the non-victim. :)

The Garage

The past couple days, my sweet husband has been building me (us) a beautiful hutch.
(pictures to come)
He has LOVED working with my Dad's old tools and I've loved watching him enjoy it!

This evening became a bit emotional for me though.
The garage was DAD's domain....his getaway place.
He loved the Florida heat and was often found, sitting in the open garage, in his blue fold-up chair, glass of wine in hand, listening to public radio, and doing Sudoku puzzles.

But the garage was more than just Dad's "sitting area."
It was "him."
If you had never met my sweet Daddy, you could easily know who he was by just looking thru the garage.

Today I cried just seeing the old, dried up paint on his sawhorses, knowing that the paint was from many jobs he did.
His old paint brush is beautiful to me...I never want to throw it away.
There's a cheesy little trophy he won from pitching horseshoes in a West Virginia tournament- he refused to get rid of it.
His hats....oh, his hats....who would've guessed that the smell of his old, sweaty hats would be so wonderful?
The falling-apart, duck taped Bible, with the big, smily-faced sticker, was always in the garage, because that's where Daddy always was.
He loved these bright, metal art pieces- toucans, surfer dudes, lizards, and tropical fish....those are in the garage too.
Boxes and boxes of his books, notebooks, journals, and writings are stacked, as well as his many surfboards.

Oh, I miss him....so much.
Sometimes it hits me that he's never coming back.
It hits hard.
I would give anything for another hug, another "I love you Em," another hairy kiss on the forehead....

One day.

Open Doors, Closed Doors...

I am beyond confused.
I have no idea what He's doing or what He's up to!

Every job we send resumes to or apply to or even interview for...they're all the same....NO!!
SLAM!!

Is it wrong of me to be picky with where I would like to work or what I want to do??
Is it wrong that I really do NOT want to work retail right now??
Every store is hiring for seasonal positions and I feel sick just thinking about working at yet ANOTHER store.

I know the Lord has a way being prepared, but instead of hearing a SLAM, I'd really like to hear the creaking of a door being opened.

I long to be in a house that we can settle in for a while.
I want to be close to my family, but not in St. Lucie County.
I want my husband and I to have jobs that we LOVE!

I just want to curl up in a corner and sleep until this season is over.
Absolutely ready for a GOOD, HAPPY, FUN, WONDERFUL season!
Let it be soon, Lord....please let it be soon!